Understanding anxiety, your body's alarm system and how to begin breaking the anxiety cycle 

About this blog 

Anxiety can show up in many different ways. In this blog, we'll explore what anxiety is, how it can show up in our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and behaviours, and what may be happening within our body's natural alarm system.

We'll also look at the anxiety cycle and some practical techniques you can try to help interrupt it and begin creating a different relationship with anxiety.

Approximate reading time: 15–20 minutes 📖

Let’s dive a little deeper… 🔎

You might be sitting at home, driving to work, walking into a shop or in work and an email pops up from your manager. 

Doom! Suddenly, out of nowhere, your heart is racing, your stomach feels unsettled and your mind races and is full of thoughts. Some thoughts might sound familiar and start with “what if?” Other thoughts might sound like facts and certainty. Before you know it, you’re in a thought spiral, each thought creates another thought and it just gets bigger and bigger. 

See if you can recognize any similar thoughts…

What if something goes wrong?

People will talk about me!

What if I make a mistake?

I am going to lose my job!
What if they don't like me?

What if I made the wrong decision?

I am in big trouble!

What if I can't cope?

I will fall on my face!

What if something bad happens?

I am a failure!

These thoughts are quick. You may not even notice them or perhaps they are very familiar and just something that is there in the background, finding any opportunity to get louder. By now, you might already feel sick, your heart is racing, you feel panicked and overwhelmed, and everything inside you wants to run away. It feels scary. Your body is telling you something is wrong, and this leads to more thoughts… 

There must be something wrong!

I am going to die!

I can’t cope!

I need to leave!

But nothing in your environment has changed. You're still at work at your computer, in your car driving, or walking to the shop. Everyone else around you is going about their day. Surely this can’t be right? There must be something wrong with me?

Does this feel confusing? Because when you actually look at your surroundings and say out loud what is happening, you're in your car at the traffic lights, you’ve just entered a shop, you’ve opened an email or you're sitting on your couch at home.

“What is going on, why do I feel like this? I'm not actually in physical danger.”

Understanding what anxiety is and what is happening within your body and mind can sometimes be the first step towards changing your relationship with it.

Anxiety has a purpose

Feeling anxious at times is a normal human response.

Anxiety can be incredibly useful, even if it feels unpleasant. It can help us notice potential danger, prepare for challenges and respond when something feels threatening. 

For example, if we walked across the road and a car came towards us, we would need to move out of the way very quickly. Taking a test requires focus and motivation to prepare, and some anxiety can help with focus and determination. Walking into a new environment and not knowing who will be there and what is expected of us can again create feelings of anxiousness.

It can be really helpful to understand what is going on inside us. Anxiety can be separated into different parts: our thoughts, our physical sensations, our feelings and our actions. We can experience anxiety in several different ways.

In our thoughts 

Anxiety often brings a stream of automatic negative and/or “what if?” thoughts:

What if this happens?

I can’t cope.
What if I make a mistake?

It’s too much.
What if I fail?
What if something goes wrong?
I’ve failed.

What if they think badly of me?

In our bodies – physical sensations 

Anxiety can create physical sensations such as:

A racing or pounding heart
Shaking or trembling
Feeling hot or cold
Sweating
Nausea or feeling sick
Tingling
Changes in breathing
Muscle tension
Needing to use the toilet
Feeling restless or like you need to move

In our emotions and feelings 

Underneath anxiety, we might experience other emotions. 

Depending on the situation, how we already feel, what’s happened today, this week, this month or this year, and the meaning we give to what is happening, we can experience a mixture of different feelings: fear, sadness, worry, dread, anger, frustration or feeling overwhelmed. 

Have a look at the feelings wheel. You might be surprised by how many feelings we can experience.

In our actions and behaviours 

When our bodies and thoughts feel anxious, we can feel an urge to get away from the stressful situation, so our actions can become a way of managing and coping. 

Run or move away

Avoid people

Avoid conversations

Shut down

Cry

Argue

Become snappy

Pace up and down

These different parts of us — our thoughts, physical sensations, emotions and actions — don't happen in isolation from each other. They can feed back into one another and intensify feelings of anxiety.

It might be helpful to learn a little more about what is going on within the nervous system. Bear with me, as these systems can sound a little complex, but I'll aim to keep it friendly! 

The important part is gaining awareness because, as the saying goes, “knowledge is power.”

Your body’s natural alarm system 🚨

Let’s explore what is going on in your body. One simple way of understanding anxiety is to think of your body as having a natural internal alarm system. We could even describe it as being a bit like a smoke detector, which activates when it detects a possible threat. 

When your brain detects something that might be threatening, your body can move into a more activated state, often described as the fight-or-flight response. Let’s break this down a little more:

Fight – usually involves moving towards something we perceive as a threat — defending ourselves, standing our ground or responding to conflict.

Flight – usually involves wanting to get away — escaping, avoiding or removing ourselves from the situation.

Rest, digest and repair – calmer states where our bodies can rest, digest food, sleep and recover.

Throughout everyday life, our nervous system naturally moves between different levels of activation. This is a normal part of being human. The problem isn't that we have an alarm system. 

The problem can arise when the alarm is activated by something that feels threatening, even when there isn't an immediate physical danger in front of us.

From tigers to emails 

Our internal alarm system developed to help us respond quickly to potential threats. 

Imagine our ancestors coming across a tiger. There isn't time to sit down and have a long conversation with yourself about the pros and cons of the situation. Your body needs to respond very quickly! A fast response could increase our chances of survival.

Can I get away? Can I protect myself?

But our world today is very different. We aren't usually walking through the day wondering whether a tiger is going to appear around the corner. Instead, our brains are constantly taking in information from our surroundings, our senses and our current and past experiences. 

Part of this process involves detecting possible threats and uncertainty, a little like an internal background question asking, “Am I safe?” 

Here are some of the areas our brains may be collecting and interpreting information from...

Work, social media, finances, change, driving, children, social situations, responsibilities, uncertainty, emails, environments, home, relationships, colleagues, strangers, community and authority. 

Sometimes our brains have to make sense of situations without having all the facts. Past experiences can also influence how we interpret what is happening now. If something is interpreted as threatening, uncertain or unsafe, our body's alarm response can become activated — even when there is no immediate physical danger.

Let’s see how quickly this can happen

For example, imagine receiving an email from your manager: 

“I've scheduled a meeting for 3pm. Please attend.”

That's all the email says, but your brain might immediately start filling in the gaps.

What is this about?

Have I done something wrong?

I was late twice this week.

I didn't finish that task on time.

Am I going to get into trouble?

What if I lose my job?

How will I pay my bills?

Suddenly, you aren't just waiting for a meeting. You're worrying about your entire financial future and the meeting hasn't even happened yet.

When the alarm becomes part of the problem

When our alarm system activates, we experience physical changes in our bodies.

Our heart may beat faster.
Our breathing may change.
Our muscles become ready for action.
We may sweat.
We may feel sick.
We may feel shaky or light-headed.
Our senses can become heightened.

These responses make sense when our body is preparing us to respond to a threat.

What happens when the trigger is an email, an argument with your partner, walking into a shop or worrying about money? You can still experience very real physical sensations. Then something else can happen: the physical sensations themselves can become frightening. 

Your heart is racing and you think: “Something is wrong.”

You feel sick and think: “Why do I feel like this?”

You can't seem to get a satisfying breath and think: “Something is seriously wrong with me.”

Now you have a secondary alarm!

You're not only responding to the original situation. You're responding to the sensations your body is producing and that can make the alarm even louder.

A quick note: anxiety can cause very real physical symptoms, but new, severe or worrying physical symptoms should not automatically be assumed to be anxiety. If you are concerned about what you are experiencing, seek appropriate medical advice.

The anxiety cycle 

This is where things can start to feel like a vicious cycle.

You experience a situation - email from manager
Your body reacts - heart racing, you notice the physical sensations.
Your mind starts creating thoughts and stories about what they mean - “I've done something wrong.”
Those thoughts can bring up emotions - fear and worry

Thoughts can begin to feel like facts - “I'm going to lose my job.”
Those emotions can influence your behaviour – you leave work and go home

Your brain learns: “leaving helped me feel safer.”

Anxiety temporarily reduces, and your behaviour can then reinforce the original fear.

We don’t like these uncomfortable feelings and sensations happening inside us. Let’s be honest, they don’t feel nice and can be very overwhelming, so we try to get away from them.

Getting away from the situation, the stressor or the thing that caused the alarm to activate in the first place can be a quick way of getting some relief from those feelings.

We might avoid, leave, withdraw, seek reassurance, cancel something, become angry or stop doing something we wanted to do. These behaviours can bring short-term relief, which is why they can be so tempting when we're feeling anxious.

Over time, we can begin to fear not only the situation, but the uncomfortable feelings and physical sensations that come with it. When avoiding or escaping helps those feelings settle, your brain can learn: 

“I felt threatened → I escaped → I felt better.” 

The next time something similar happens — or those familiar feelings begin to appear — the alarm may activate even quicker. The cycle continues. 

The stories we tell ourselves

To help ourselves understand why we are feeling anxious, we can create a story or narrative and attach meaning to what is happening.

• The email from your manager is a fact: “I have a meeting at 3pm.”

• “I've done something wrong” is an interpretation.

• “I'm going to lose my job” is a prediction. 

This isn't saying your thoughts are silly or that you should simply tell yourself to ‘think positively’. Instead, we can become curious about them. 

What do I actually know?
What am I predicting?
Is there another possible explanation?

Maybe you did make a mistake.
Maybe you were late.
Maybe there is something you need to take responsibility for.

We don’t know what the meeting is about. It could be about offering support or even praising you for your hard work, but often our brains can jump to the worst-case scenario. When we put this into perspective, receiving an email doesn't automatically mean you're going to lose your job. 

We can acknowledge what is true without allowing our anxious brain to immediately jump to the worst possible outcome.

Our emotions are real, but they aren’t always facts

When we're feeling anxious, we might feel frightened, worried, angry, upset, frustrated, disappointed in ourselves. Those feelings are real, but our emotions don't always tell us exactly what is happening outside of us. They tell us something about our internal experience of what is happening.

You might think: “I'm terrified, so something terrible must be happening.”

But another possibility is: “I'm terrified because my brain has interpreted this situation as threatening.”

That difference matters!

Instead of fighting the emotion or criticising ourselves for feeling it, we can become curious.

What am I feeling?
What story am I attaching to this feeling?
What do I need right now?

So how do we interrupt the anxiety cycle?

The good news is, we don’t have to change everything at once. Sometimes one small change can begin to interrupt the cycle. 

Look at your thoughts

Sometimes it can help to get anxious thoughts out of your head and onto paper. I call this the “brain dump”, as writing them down can create a little bit of distance and make it easier to see what your mind is doing. 

It doesn’t have to be neat or organised. Writing things down can sometimes bring up emotions too, but the intention is to create a little space between you and the thoughts going around in your mind. 

Another technique to try is reframing those negative thoughts. This isn't about turning everything into a positive. The aim is to acknowledge the thought, validate how you're feeling and then look at whether there is another way of thinking about the situation that feels more balanced. 

For example:

Initial automatic negative thought - “I've been late twice, so I'm going to lose my job.”

Balanced reframe – “I'm worried about being late twice this week and I'm scared that I might lose my job. I don't actually know what the meeting is about yet. If my lateness is raised, I can explain what happened, take responsibility and talk to my manager about what I can do differently.” 

Physical sensations within your body

When you notice your body's alarm system activating, you can bring your attention to your breathing. Rather than trying to force your breathing to change, you might gently allow the out-breath to become a little longer and softer. 

This can take practice. You can try this during your day-to-day life, not only when you're feeling anxious, so it becomes something familiar that you can return to during times of stress, anxiety or overwhelm. 

Another technique you can try is grounding yourself by reconnecting with your surroundings through your senses: 

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

Additionally, gentle movement or stretching can also help you reconnect with your body rather than becoming completely absorbed in the alarm. The aim isn't to force the anxiety away. It's to give your body another message: 

“I am here. I am safe enough in this moment. I can allow my body to settle".

Notice your emotions

You can also interrupt the cycle by naming what you're feeling.

Instead of: “I shouldn't feel like this.”

Try: “I'm feeling really frightened right now and worried about what this meeting might mean.”

Naming the emotion doesn't make it disappear. But it can create a little space between you and what you're experiencing. 

You are experiencing fear. You are not the fear!

Notice your actions and behaviours

We can become curious about what anxiety is asking us to do.

Perhaps everything in you wants to run away.
Perhaps you want to cancel.
Perhaps you want to avoid the conversation.
Perhaps you want reassurance.

Pause! Take a gentle breath in, breathe out slowly and ask yourself: 

“If I do this, will it help me in the long term, or will it only make me feel safer for the next few minutes?"

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves isn't the thing that makes us feel better immediately. Sometimes it is taking one small, manageable step towards something that anxiety is telling us to avoid.

Creating a different relationship with anxiety

This isn't about getting rid of anxiety forever. There will still be times when you feel anxious. There will still be times when your old patterns return. You might avoid something. You might catastrophise. You might become overwhelmed. That doesn't mean you've failed. Anxiety is part of being human, but learning to respond to it differently can be very powerful. 

Change takes practice. Think about learning to drive. You wouldn't get into a car for the first time and expect to drive smoothly, confidently and safely without practising. You wouldn't go to the gym once and expect your body to suddenly change shape or size. Learning to respond differently to anxiety works in a similar way. It requires awareness, consistent repetition, self-compassion and curiosity. 

Sometimes you might try something and it won't help. That's information too.

You can ask: “What could I try differently next time?”

Befriending anxiety rather than fighting it

This can feel such a weird idea, because who really would want to befriend anxiety? Nope, not me! 

But if we can be open to what is meant by this, perhaps one of the biggest shifts we can make is changing our relationship with anxiety. 

Sometimes, trying very hard not to think or feel something can have the opposite effect and make it more noticeable. If I said to you now, “Under no circumstances think about a pink elephant juggling two balls,” guess what? The chances are you have just thought about or imagined it.

So, when we put that into the context of anxiety, we now know that anxiety is a natural stress response. When our nervous system is activated, we can find ourselves in a cycle of negative thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, physical sensations and actions to help us cope with the experience. 

Criticism, judgement or negative self-talk doesn't really help with interrupting the cycle. What can help is awareness, compassion and learning to stay alongside ourselves when anxiety shows up. Over time, this can help us build a different way of responding rather than automatically fighting against it. It’s a process. 

Rather than: “I hate this anxiety and I have to get rid of this feeling.”

We can begin moving towards: “This feeling is uncomfortable, but I can stay with myself while I experience it.”

This is what it can mean to befriend anxiety. It doesn't mean liking anxiety; it means learning that you don't have to treat the feeling as your enemy.

Some important things I’d like you to remember

Anxiety is a normal human response. Sometimes it protects us. Sometimes it becomes overactive and starts preventing us from living the life we want. The more we become aware of our thoughts, physical sensations, emotions and actions, the more opportunities we have to interrupt the cycle. And we don't have to do everything at once.

One thought

One breath
One moment of noticing
One different response
One action

One small step, then another and another

Over time, we're teaching ourselves something new:

“This is uncomfortable, and I don't like how I feel right now, but uncomfortable doesn't always mean unsafe.”

And perhaps most importantly: “I've got this. I can stay with myself. I can deal with whatever comes my way.”

Because we don't actually know what that meeting will be about. We don't know what will happen when we walk into the shop. We don't know exactly how a difficult conversation will go. We can't control every outcome. But we can begin building trust in ourselves that whatever happens, we can meet it when it arrives. And that is where creating a different relationship with anxiety can begin. 

If anxiety is becoming difficult to manage, is affecting your day-to-day life, or the things you are trying are not helping, you do not have to work through it alone. Talking with a GP, counsellor or another appropriate health professional can be a helpful next step.